


the fatherless son

by wr1terza



Series: feather falling. [1]
Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft - Fandom
Genre: Dark, Family Dynamic, Guilt, Hurt No Comfort, Lowercase, how to address the phil - tommy father/son relationship REALISTICALLY, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-12 14:34:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29012151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wr1terza/pseuds/wr1terza
Summary: snow doesn't weigh on his wings.oh, but the guilt--the guilt does.phil and tommy have a conversation. the stars watch.
Relationships: TommyInnit & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF)
Series: feather falling. [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2128458
Comments: 22
Kudos: 192





	the fatherless son

**Author's Note:**

  * For [all the philza fans!](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=all+the+philza+fans%21).



PROLOGUE

they make it to the edge of the universe.

it feels like home.

“phil,” tommy’s voice rings out, and amidst the starry caverns they’ve found refuge in, it almost sounds gentle, “why does everyone say you only have one life?”

the cave floor is cold against his spine, and phil’s hand drifts to his chest. with as much of a shrug as he can manage, phil continues to stare up at the stars. “some of us got to live outside of ‘ere, tommy.”

“i forgot you were old,” phil hears tommy mumble. a smile cracks onto his face.

a witty reply dies on his lips, and phil remembers the ancient constellations that had once been ingrained in his memory. he can faintly hear the crackling of tommy’s sporadic torches-- _a real man don’t need no light!_ \-- and the sound of a furnace roasting in the back.

_not a bad place_ , phil decides, and he feels more than hears tommy squirm. his eyes flicker up at the child, and the night is just young enough for him to see the scars littering across his face.

“what else is it, tommy?”

“why is there always something else?” tommy snaps, and yet still, he plops down next to phil with a huff. “i swear, you people are in-sane! _tommy, shut up already, tommy you talk too much-_ ”

phil exhales. “you shouldn’t listen to everybody.”

tommy stops, and phil closes his eyes as the cave wind tousles his robes. the night air sinks into his bones, and for a second, he contemplates asking tommy to move the torch closer. but, then again, it wouldn’t do much. even if the boy learned how to make a campfire -- _he’s an innovative one, ain’t he?_ \-- the frost has settled permanently in his bones.

“i don’t really have a choice, do i?”

phil cracks open an eye. tommy’s hands are clasped together in his lap, and phil can’t tell if they are marred with callouses or not. at this point, he reckons they are part of the family. techno draws the sword with bloody hands, wilbur forces music into every flick of a finger--

_and tommy_ , he thinks as tommy’s gaze falls down to his, _fights however he can._

“you do.” phil’s voice echoes off the caves. he doesn’t blink. “you will always.”

“if this is your bullshit parenting one-oh-one, i don’t care.”

“i gave up being that a long time ago, tommy.”

“oh, really?” tommy drawls, and phil turns his head to face the red dripping from stone walls. “i couldn’t tell.”

phil raises a hand from his stomach. he winces. he shifts to use his other hand and, with a grunt, pushes himself upwards. 

tommy’s attitude flips completely.

“ _whoa!_ whoa, whoa, i am _not_ a licensed doctor -- i mean, i have a gun -- but i don’t think this is the most brilliant idea you’ve had--”

he can’t help but smile softly as tommy scrambles closer. a part of him regrets all the times he left. a part of him regrets, rages, wavers, and wishes. a part of him wants to bring tommy close and hug him for one last time.

“i can’t-” a cough racks through him, and his throat seizes. he doubles over, coughing. a thunderbolt of pain lights in his side. phil bites his lip, drawing blood, and swallowing down another cough.

out of the corner of his eye, he can see tommy’s eyes glitter like watery moonlight.

“i can’t,” he repeats, and this time, he sees the stars in tommy’s eyes, “regret everything i did to you, tommy.”

the stars burn like asteroids. the fire in them that used to feel like home turns into a fiery blaze.

_ah_ , phil realizes, as he raises his bloody hand to tommy’s cheek, _so this is what the sun feels like._

“why?” tommy strangles out and he clutches onto phil’s wrist so tightly it sends embers through his blood. “why, why, why, why?!”

“i should have never been your father. you should have… had anyone else, besides me. tommy-” his heart stills and the world glows gold around the edges.

_i am waiting_ , the totem says, and a bittersweet grin falls on his lips.

phil drags his other hand upwards and cups tommy’s face. there are thousands of things he could say. there are more words than there are trees, more words than the ores beneath them--

“i could never be your father, but you will always be my son.”

and two words more than the totem he slips from his pockets.

it clatters to the ground. tommy’s eyes snap to it, and phil feels tommy tense up. he can feel the kindle turn into a wildfire as tommy struggles. “wait… wait, phil, you have a totem. _phil, you have a totem._ ”

“i know, tommy.”

“you only have _one life_.” and tommy’s hands fly to his wrists and the boy tugs, and tugs, but phil won’t let go, not again. “have you lost it?!”

“i love you.” 

_you are my son. you are the mischievous little gremlin that steals from my chests, that disorganizes all my loot, and never lets a single joke fly by. i’m not your father, because there is nothing more i could have given you._

“i _hate_ you, phil. i hate you, i hate you, i _hate you_ \--”

phil laughs. the sound echoes like forgotten bell chimes in a world long ago. “never change, tommy.”

he feels weakness pull at his hands. his heart struggles. he can practically see his final life flickering.

guilt pulls at him like an anchor. the totem stares back at him.

“why… are you letting yourself die?”

phil, selfishly, turns his gaze to the stars.

“there are things you have to do, tommy. and i can’t be here for them.”

he hesitates.

“...that totem is meant for you, tommy. i can’t protect you if i’m weak. and you and i both know--”

_you cannot sleep now_ , they hear, _for there are monsters nearby._

and the creature that tore through his armor, slashes through his veins, and tore out his insides lurks in the darkness. the creature that tommy saw and froze at. the creature phil knew was nothing more than a _monster_. and tommy is young. tommy is smart. _tommy is a child, and techno will hate him forever, but phil has always had a soft spot for children._

he exhales.

“ --we both can’t make it out alive.”

"liar," tommy whispers, and the guilt weighing in phil's heart still beats even on the fringes of death. 

his hands collapse. 

the world is dark;

like the blanket

which so gently holds the stars.

(and tommy screams and screams for somebody, _anybody_. he stumbles through mobs. he slices. he claws. and he doesn’t let a single one touch the body slumped over his back.

when bloody pink hair sweeps into his vision, tommy is helpless to the roar that leaves the blood god. he sinks to his knees. techno whisks phil away. he leaves tommy in the snow. doesn’t even think twice.

“ _save him,”_ tommy begs.

the stars lose their glimmer,

but for what the stars lack in light,

the blood god makes up for in _rage._

_“i will,”_ techno states, and it’s the last words he hears from him in the lonely night.

and phil lives, but if tommy ever visits, he’s met with cold eyes and a blade.

_“i did,”_ techno says to him everytime, and he knows what’s left unspoken:

_i saved my father. _)

**Author's Note:**

> plays into the sbi family dynamic au! but it's only really referenced instead of used.
> 
> this is me trying to characterize tommy? but i've only ever written philza.
> 
> this isn't canon to any of my aus by the way! just a short drabble.
> 
> follow me on twitter! @Wr1terza  
> \--
> 
> explanation:
> 
> tommy + phil go exploring, encounter a monster (dreamon, maybe?), and phil takes a hit meant for tommy.


End file.
